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A recent online discussion asks the Internet for wisdom in a hypothetical scenario.
For example, imagine if you found a duffel bag full of money in the forest. What would you do? Here is how people are responding.
1. Channel Your Inner Squirrel
“I would bury it somewhere else and come back for it in a year or two,” says our first strategic commenter, “after any heat has died down.”
Now here is someone who has thought this through already. “This guy does crimes,” adds a follow-up joker.
2. Waterproof The Loot
Anyone wishing to use the re-burying tactic should listen to this contributor. “You’d need to seal it up in some way to keep out water,” says someone with a revealing amount of money-burial knowledge.
“Paper money does not last long otherwise.”
3. The Old Switcheroo
A Coen Brothers movie fan has seen this plot before. “I would put it in a different bag,” they suggest. “I don’t want Anton Chigurh (No Country for Old Men) knowing my location.”
Wise words for anyone who has seen Javier Bardem’s fearsome character — and haircut — chasing down a missing money bag.
4. Saintly Advice
“Realistically, I would peek but don’t [sic] take it,” admits a more sensible commenter. “You never know if it’s a trap or not; besides, it ain’t really my business.”
I see the logic, especially if anyone saw you enter the woods. Can you imagine sitting on a pile of obviously-stolen cash? Gulp.
5. Be a Goodfella
But if nobody did see you enter those woods? “Keep it, keep my mouth shut, and spend it slowly,” whispers a sneaky soul. And why not?
Knowing some dangerous people who live nearby just paid for your latest hairdo would certainly be a thrill. De Niro would be proud.
6. Be A Good Citizen
Would you call the police and report it? “I don’t need whomever that bag of money belongs to coming after me,” admits a law-abiding citizen.
I beg to differ here; giving it to the authorities would be as good (or bad) as stealing it — in the eyes of those you robbed.
“Leave it and run!” advises the next poster. Some agreement comes with a reply: “I don’t need to be on a cartel’s list,” says another level-headed soul. “Thank you very much.”
I can’t think of any feasible excuse for a duffel bag stuffed with cash to exist other than through crime.
8. Pay Your Student Loans
When discussion breaks out about the amount in the bag, one poster suggests “Eight grand.” This figure tickles one graduate’s mind. “That’s not an incredible amount of money,” says the student.
“Probably pay (off) student loans.” Clearly, they are not a Harvard attendee.
9. Wet Your Beak
How about a little finder’s fee? One person suggests they would “take just what I need, leave the empty bag.” There is no such thing as finders-keepers in the criminal underworld.
Would the cartels bother chasing you down for a small commission? I am going to go with yes.
10. Be A Low-Key High-Roller
In a scenario that would make a great movie plot, one contributor explains how they would first hide it before visiting casinos each month or two. “Buy some drinks, lose a few hundred, then cash out with clean money,” the high-stakes player suggests. “Never go to the same casino twice.”
I am unsure about this idea; I’ve seen Casino and value my fingers.
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This thread inspired this post.
I have over 15 years experience in the financial services industry and 20 years investing in the stock market. I have both my undergrad and graduate degrees in Finance, and am FINRA Series 65 licensed and have a Certificate in Financial Planning.
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